I Stood Misunderstood...

16/08/07
Man is a SOCIAL ANIMAL….
The aforesaid is NOT a UNIVERSAL FACT.
I am bent on defying this so called “FACT”. And I somehow seem to do justice to my beliefs.
There are people who are my world, my life. My heart beats for them…
But lately I guess I am living in this Wonderland, in the Fools Paradise cause I am away from my world now. I am living a life that was never destined to be mine… perhaps my heart has stopped beating now.
Am I dead??
I don’t think so… my senses are still alive. I can still FEEL… I just don’t tend to acknowledge the most important things any more, because when I look beyond to my LIFE, all that I see is too minute to be realized or understood…

If I am living without the reasons for my life itself… am I living after all??? I still debate with myself many a times whether I miss the old days or not. Though I am adamant enough to convince the whole world that I don’t find anything missing…. But do I feel this way too….????
Disappointingly…. YES… I DO!!!
People I am away from are now untouched I know…
But will we ever touch each other again…???
Will the life ever come back again…???
Will the heart ever beat again…???

Yet again I say… that I don’t really care… why should we CARE anyway? I have learnt a very important lesson from this life….
NOTHING LASTS FOREVER….
Then why put your heart and soul into anything that will not remain… it might go away with one who goes… who can stop either…??? None can!! Is it a mandate to act this way or that in what everyone calls LIFE???
Why should we care enough to love? To understand… to support… to provide and to receive….???
We are all self-sufficient for any of it!!! Are we not capable enough to love ourselves…??
Why unnecessarily take the pains to explain to the world?
If they don’t understand.. is it not their DRAWBACK..???
Why take the unnecessary guilt trips and place someone at a place where you EXPECT yourself to be too in the eyes of that other (in the normal world)
I don’t care if I am MISUNDERSTOOD!!!!
In fact I LOVE being misunderstood. I would throw it as a challenge in the other person’s face to understand me…
If I take the pains of explaining or justifying myself to one person, then whole world would think I am liable to do so for them too… WHY SHOULD I?

Do you think that you are actually answerable to anybody besides yourself..???
If you think YES... The you are still at the mercy of many a minds. Minds which might not even propose to understand you even once. They would rather monopolize to conceive of you as they please. And why should a state as that arise any how?
All they will ever make you realize is the wrongs,(it might be all rights for you though).. but when you flatter them with the liberty to opinionate about you… you consequentially flatter them with the liberty to imprint those opinions in your mind as well…
And like a stupid fool you keep on accepting it all as an obligation…
I don’ really think I have lost too much… maybe I have… but I like to believe that I gained a sense of pride in myself …

The whole world may call me crazy and stubborn just as much as they think they’re wise…
But for them and for me too…. I will remain to be in my Fools Paradise…

My Immortal

Its not getting stoned… but the feeling is just the same… well pretty much….
Don’t move me tonight…. Don’t touch me…. Lets let the bedsheets remain unwrinkled…. Tonight… we’ll just stare…. Our souls are naked…. I see you clearer than ever before…. This vision… oh so clear….. those eyelashes… flicker a bit….. but the gaze so fixed….. how amazing it is to know that eyes can talk too…. N how much more amazing it is wen u are a part of this conversation…. So grounded…. Hyped up senses… tht only I could see wat I saw… hear wat I heard… feel wat I touched…. Yet unmovingly…. I could let ages pass me by … and I would have no rush to go on…. I don’t want to go anywhere else tonight… this is exactly wat I have been looking forever… its just a dream perhaps… since its hard to believe…. Shhh!!! Don’t say a word…. I don’t wanna hear anything… this silence has prevailed over us … don’t you realize… where we stand…! we float…. There is something that I have here…. Its so special… I cant define it… its just right here…. Its just for now…. If I move… im afraid I might loose it….
Its this second…. But why is it so long….? How long will this last…? How long will we stay…? How long can we not breathe n yet be alive….? Cause I know… this is going… and so are we… and its just tonight… that’s all that we ever needed…. How special and satisfying…. This end is… its not our end honey… we know it now… smile… we’ve reached heaven tonight….

GOOD... YET BAD.... YET............ GOOD....

27th May 27, 2007
03:44 am

A wish so strong… yet so unreal….
A prayer so pure… yet unanswered…
A friend so close… yet so distant at heart….
A smile so beautiful... yet so fake…
A run so exhausting… yet the goal so illusioned….
This song so peaceful… yet the meaning so distorted in the head….
A relation so comforting…. Yet the face so detestable….
A cry so painful… yet the eyes so dry….

Yet The wish always close to the heart….
Yet The prayer always on the mind….
Yet The friend always at disposal….
Yet The smile always so refreshing…
Yet The run always so satisfying….
Yet The song always so melodious….
Yet The face always restoring faith….
Yet The cry always so lightening….

You almost want to believe in SERENITY

08/07/2007
3:15 AM
It’s a silent night. Calm and quiet. FEELING AND WATCHING IT with an unfocused view, there is nothing wrong around. Its just PERFECT. Everything is peaceful. you almost want to believe in ITS serenity.

There is a life THAT everyone lives. You look at them FROM the outside. Everyone seems to be a good person. And I believe in one thing very strongly-that everyone has a soul. KNOWING THAT SOUL IS SO IMPORTANT... BEACUSE you want to believe in serenity.

When it comes to each one of us, we all have a heart and a mind. Millions of thoughts ENTER SOUR MINDS. We encounter thousands of people. only much lesser hearts TOUCH. You almost want to believe in serenity.

There are only two categories in our minds. The Good and the Bad. there is no reality. All it depends on is our discretion. Good and Bad being the highest subjective notions ever. AND OBJECTIVE IN REAL TERMS FOR SOME. One’s right step is another’s faux-pas. Yet… you almost want to believe in serenity.

If I wish to denounce God itself for his greatest creation –LIFE, how long can the world thrust ITS OWN SELF ON MY THOUGHTS AND ACTIONS JUST TO CORRECT ME ?
This night, this soul, this heart and ALL THE WRONGS make me believe….
There is no such thing as serenity….

Just look at the wonder of PERCEPTION… without altering much… you can change the whole outlook to THE SAME into SOMETHING SO beautiful with such EASE….
This night, this soul, this heart and ALL THE RIGHTS makes you want to say….
That you do believe in serenity….

THANKS ALOT A.D.

HIGH ON FRIENDSHIP...

a late night...
3 friends...
3 different cities...
3 cups of coffees....
one internet messenger...
realising the virtue of distance over the period of time... as compared to their being just a wall across from each other till some time back...
the miles create nthn more than just an illusioanry rift... where the hearts still beat in the others bodies...
friendship at it truest stages....
friendship loving n living it with happiness even standing the test of time n the time of test!!!!!
and then they meet to clang glasses of beer at their ol beach bar... cheap... but the memories make it so valuable!!!!!! the comfort... the happy state... laughing over silly jokes... pullin each other's legs over their crushes n affairs... fightin over the last cigarette... even worse!!! fighting over the last bite of the day old paranth...
those late night drives on the scooter tripling…. Just to get the last joint of the day…. Abusing each other…. Which only emits love n affection…. Those manly huggs n saying nthn much…. N then sayin jus a little bit… n it fills our whole world with joy!!!
Sometimes just a smile is enough to explain to them how glad are we to see them… or a blank face is enough to explain how devastated I am… I need u here today n just don’t say anything…. N lets just be quiet n be…. With friends… its not the words… but the need not to say that matters…. there are thoughts n feelings never ending n no matter how well portrayed by words... still makes it harder to express emotion....
just a trial to tell everyone how beautiful friendship is.....
cherish EVERY moment......

A CHAPTER OF MY LIFE...

THEY met…
Not knowing what they’d loose or gain…
And then…
WE said good bye…
With an understating promise to meet again…

SET FREE

Sitting at the window
She looks outside with calm
Her chin resting elegantly on her palm
With an unfocused view of the trees
Sliding by bushes chasing the dreams…
And the peace and quiet that she felt
That standstill moment to which she held
To hold on to it tight n not let go
That happy moment she longed since long ago…
The dark n heavy with weight clouds
And the contrary… light n blurring doubts
The cool breeze gently slapping her face
The melancholic tune in her mind, now out of race…
After ages she isn’t wondering
Where she stands or what she says
Or she has to discover which new ways
In a world of her own she stays
Not caring when came the shore or the bay…
She isn’t blank or morbid or dull
Nor is her ability to think void or null.
She’s just enjoying whats rare to find
When one’s free at heart as well as mind…

LIFE IS FUNNY

Life is funny…
U fall in love with someone…
Someone falls in love with u but u don’t love them back…
We meet so many people in our lives…
But that feeling of concern is what people lack…

Life is funny…
U have so many problems…
Ur misery is the worst u ever thought was there…
U fail to understand what others are going through…
U fail to appreciate what you have here…

Life is funny…
U spend all ur life reaching the goal…
U get too busy winning battles u could avoid…
U don’t notice so many important things…
Loosing so many joys little things could bring…

Life is funny…
Someone wishes to dance on someone’s tunes…
Someone wishes to make the world dance to their tune…
Each has the reason to believe so…
But fail to make sense out of their own life themselves…

Not every action has a reaction…
Not ever a breath in leads to a breath out…
Not every tear follows a smile…
Not every fight has a resolution…
Not every question has an answer…
Life is funny….

N ppl still fail to hear the plea of cry in my voice…
N ppl still fail to see the tears in my empty eyes…
N ppl still fail to touch my hear of ice…
N ppl still fail to speak the words that could make some sense…
Guess im still too good at the unreal act of living a real life I hate so much presently….

IF WALLS COULD TALK….They would shout out the agony they saw….
I slept on the floor last night…. The chill I felt was the only warmth I relied upon till as long as I was conscious….
The incapability to cry yet again still kept me indifferent n numb…
Somehow the disappointment of not being understood…. Prevailed over my cool once again…..
I failed to make sense to them… no matter how much I tried to reconcile….
The fear of sabotaging everything that’s ever meant to me curbed my thoughts n emotions so horribly well…. That it scared me nonetheless….
I wish someday to speak my heart out….
There is pain for some unformulated reason…. Im afraid to give it any form…
When happy days in front of me are so limited…. I curse my self for feeling like this…. When I end up fucking up my own happiness….
Someone else’s peace n calm comes to that superior place….
I am astonished how I prefer someone else to my own self….
Love is a crazy four letter word to call it….
Again… astonishing enough to give all crap so much importance….
Its not good to think so hard… but I somehow can’t help it when the only person expected to make sense fails on me too….
It even feels disgusting n self condemning defaming something that I place so high….
And I end up with….
Self pity… self disgust….