IF WALLS COULD TALK….They would shout out the agony they saw….
I slept on the floor last night…. The chill I felt was the only warmth I relied upon till as long as I was conscious….
The incapability to cry yet again still kept me indifferent n numb…
Somehow the disappointment of not being understood…. Prevailed over my cool once again…..
I failed to make sense to them… no matter how much I tried to reconcile….
The fear of sabotaging everything that’s ever meant to me curbed my thoughts n emotions so horribly well…. That it scared me nonetheless….
I wish someday to speak my heart out….
There is pain for some unformulated reason…. Im afraid to give it any form…
When happy days in front of me are so limited…. I curse my self for feeling like this…. When I end up fucking up my own happiness….
Someone else’s peace n calm comes to that superior place….
I am astonished how I prefer someone else to my own self….
Love is a crazy four letter word to call it….
Again… astonishing enough to give all crap so much importance….
Its not good to think so hard… but I somehow can’t help it when the only person expected to make sense fails on me too….
It even feels disgusting n self condemning defaming something that I place so high….
And I end up with….
Self pity… self disgust….